Things I Think but Never Write

Words: they can be slippery little monsters, and sometimes, it helps to think about how you’d say something casually before turning it into a formal part of an article or blog post. Sometimes, my sheer irreverence amuses me, but my editor or client would definitely not be amused! Here are some original thoughts (definitely cutting room floor stuff) and what they turned into.

Writing on dermal fillers:

In case you didn’t know, these are cosmetic injections that are used to fill out wrinkles and plump up lips. I have a bit of a thing about injections, so chances are, I’ll live with my wrinkles. Besides, people call me “Ma’am” these days. I like that. I trade shamelessly on my middle-aged status. Returning to the fillers:

Original thought: “It’s a bit like builders’ crack filler for the face”

Final was more like this: “Are you hoping to see a younger-looking you in the mirror? Here’s how!”

Writing on a Big Corporate

I had to use quotes, and heaven help me, but I can’t work out how people can actually talk like that.

Original thought: “In a fit of self-congratulation, CEO XXX said:”

Final was more like this: “CEO XXX is justifiably proud of the team effort:”

My defense? Well, it IS self-congratulation, and I’m not saying it isn’t fine to do when you’ve just achieved something rather cool, but as a writer, one mayn’t say so.

Then, and I have to blame my editor for this, the article included a part where several organizations congratulated each other. In his synopsis (they started out very formal, but then… er… changed), I was given a source with an instruction: XXX Corp tells YYY Corp: “Oooh, XXX Corp! You be so schemxy!”

For DAYS, “schmexy” was the first adjective to pop into my mind every time I needed a positive one! Needless to say, it never got used, but it was a very near thing at times!

Others I’ll be a bit less specific about in case a client catches me…

Original thought: “There is no escape once we have you in our clutches!”

Final was more like this:”You’ll enjoy our service so much, you’ll keep coming back for more!”

Actually, it was quite a nice businesses, but I keep myself amused in odd ways.

Original thought on a certain non-surgical cosmetic procedure:“Don’t be fooled, it’s going to hurt like hell.”

Final was more like this: The procedure itself is painless, but you should expect to spend a few days in recovery.”

I think that’s a fairly strong hint. I hope so, anyway.

Original thought: “If you want to waste money on a perfectly useless fashion accessory…”

Final was more like this: “It’s the latest trend, and it’s as individual as you are!”

Quick ones, now:

Ridiculously expensive = exclusive

Actually, we’re a bit low on stock = limited edition

Very snobby = designer

High Mucky Muck = CEO, CFO, etc.

I’m not sure how this works = Come for a consultation.

Minions = friendly staff

It’s not that I’m jaded, it’s just that you have to catch your next idea fast, and sometimes, that’s how they come.I can’t help it…


About andreadurrheim

I'm an ex-horticulturist turned horticultural journalist turned radio broadcaster and general freelance writer. I'm hoping to promote my work through my blog and find out more about other writers too!
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